If he can accuse Gillard of playing a “gender card”, then I call him out on playing the “right-wing psychopathic fuckwit” card

Today I came across a “meme” from a Facebook page that is anti-Abbott (so clearly my kind of people) and this was the image:

Tosser

Yes, Mr Abbott, who is somehow an “honourable” man, really did compare Nazi Germany to women having abortions in Australia. Obviously, Mr Abbott has been making “gaffes”, “faux pas” and general displays of behaviours of being a dick not just during this election campaign, but since he was first elected to parliament as the Member for Warringah. He made the above remark during his first-term, having been elected in 1994, and so convinced that there is surely a treasure-trove of more ridiculous statements to be found in Hansard, I set out to read Mr Abbott’s maiden speech, way back on May 31, 1994.

If I can achieve anything at all in this place, I will owe it to the people of Warringah who have sent me here. If I can amount to anything at all in our national life, I will be indebted to my great predecessors whose shoes I struggle to fill: Michael MacKellar, who stood for the humane and the decent; Edward St John, who never shirked a fight in a good cause …

Yes, Michael MacKellar, who imported a colour television-set without declaring it to customs and who with a fellow minister tried to cover it up.

Edward St John, an arch-Tory who rubbed shoulders with that crazed Catholic crusader Bob Santamaria, yet who somehow years after leaving parliament became an anti-nuclear activist and founding the International Defence and Aid Fund for Southern Africa, yes, a Lib who was against Apartheid – unlike John Howard who generally supported (and has never rebuked since) Margaret Thatcher’s wish for Nelson Mandela to be hanged.

You’re a scrapper but never for anything other than your own parochial, patriarchal pursuits.

Since Labor came to power in 1983, government has become a means for applying bandaids to social problems rather than an instrument for giving cohesion and purpose to our national life.

Which must make Mr Abbott’s policies of putting an end to people-smuggling by paying, if not bribing and/or buying out rickety, leaky old boats in Indonesia off people-smugglers (Honest Tony’s Used Cars, I mean Boats) and paying up to $75,000 for North Shore breeders who are already well off to eke out taxpayers money because their of selfish sprog spawning, seem like the medical equivalent of cracking a nut with a sledgehammer. A skin-graft for a paper cut? Find a band-aid for your own stupidity, Tony.

“In the quest to solve social problems, government reaches into our schools, our workplaces and even our bedrooms.”

And are these problems what society, and I mean everybody in this country considers to be problems Mr Abbott or they, as per, just your own crazed beliefs after being the bottom tutored by Santamaria’s dick Catholic crusades? Like Mr Abbott as Minister for Health putting a stop to RU-486 being legal in this country and putting your own personal views of abortion as “the easy way out” and a woman’s virginity (oh, is Queen Victoria still on the throne? Then get yourself a Prince Albert at the dirtiest joint around, you blue(blood)-tongue lizard) as a “precious gift”.

In closing, Mr Abbott ends his speech with a litany of thanks to the usual suspects (I wonder who is Keyser Soze, boom boom):

To my parents and to my grandparents;

There were four siblings, with Abbott the only boy. He was spoiled and, as one sister later remarked, “Tony was always the star”. His mother thought so highly of him that she predicted he would become either pope or prime minister.

to my sisters, who have made me what I am;

Should’ve come out earlier, Christine.

May God and the ghosts of great men give me strength. May those who have laboured greatly to build this nation fortify my resolve to make a worthy contribution in this House.

We’re still waiting for you to make one, Tony.

5 days until D-Day.

Oh to be one of those people who had the funds to be able to say, “If Tony Abbott becomes Prime Minister I’m leaving the country!” And I seriously would – Britain, Germany, New Zealand, the list is endless to get away from this blue(blood)-tongue lizard.

PS – If anybody else has the patience and determination to trawl through the archives of Hansard from 1994 onwards to find lesser known quotes made by Mr Abbott that are rather telling, submit them here! 😉

Chai, chai, chai

Ofra Haza, from http://www.haza.co.il

I’ve spent this evening listening to Ofra Haza’s “Chai” on repeat, at least two-dozen times now, and I wish to declare her my second “Eurovision crush”. Here she is performing “Chai” at the 1983 contest, where she represented Israel to come second:

“Chai, chai, chai – Ken, ani od chai!”

(Alive, alive, alive – Yes, I’m still alive!)

I learnt of Haza a few years ago through indulging my inner sociopath – playing Grand Theft Auto: Liberty City Stories – her anthemic “Im Nin’alu” is part of the game’s soundtrack. At the time, despite my burgeoning Philosemitism and eventual love of all things Israeli, I didn’t know that Haza was born in Israel, Jewish and a Eurovision contestant to boot. Could there be three greater things? I’ve since discovered that the lyrics to “Im Nin’alu” are based on a Hebrew poem written in the 17th century:

Im nin’alu daltei n’divim daltei marom lo nin’alu

Even if the gates of the rich are closed, the gates of heaven will never be closed.

– Rabbi Shalom Shabazi

How much better would the Occupy movement have been if that was the mantra?

The song, originally released in 1984, was eventually remixed and tweaked and ended up in the Top 10 of various European countries, peaking at no. 1 in West Germany in 1988. The original version was released on the album Yemenite Songs, also known as Fifty Gates of Wisdom – without listening it puts Fifty Shades of Grey in the shade, doesn’t it?

A brief look-up of Ofra Haza reveals heaps of good things – including this interesting snippet from Haza’s official website: in 1986, Margaret Thatcher was a guest of the Israeli parliament and met Haza, who gave Thatcher a brief lesson in Yemenite dancing. Apparently Thatcher was given two of Haza’s albums and wrote to her afterwards, “I listen to your albums with great pleasure.” How awesome is that? For all the bashing you hear of Thatcher and her policies, to think the PM could have been singing and dancing (like me as I write this) around Downing Street to an Ofra Haza song is a wonderful thought. Don’t ruin it for me by saying it was just a PA or the tea-lady forging Mrs T’s signature.

Ofra Haza and Margaret Thatcher, from http://www.haza.co.il

And as for the “Eurovision crush” title – well, I’ve been watching the Eurovision Song Contest since I was about 13 or 14, when here in Australia we get a delayed telecast of the proceedings with commentary from our own Des Mangan; if you think Terry Wogan was an ace commentator, then you’ve never heard Des do it. Unfortunately, I can’t find any footage of Des and Eurovision through the usual channels (read: YouTube), but to give you an idea, here’s one of Des’s intros from one of SBS’s Saturday night “cult films”. See what I mean?

My favourite Eurovision year has been 2010, when Lena Meyer-Landrut won for Germany with “Satellite” – one of the best pop songs made since 1998, in fact, it could have sat easily on the charts back then, with its flirty lyrics and easy to learn chorus – and I was able to pick first, second and third of the contest, which has made me want to bet on the competition every year since.

I like Eurovision for the blatant theatrics and camp so obvious it’s more a farce. I’ve also wanted to do the drinking game for it too – a shot of whatever you fancy whenever a “reveal” occurs, or a song changes key, languages or has some form of “special effects”; an easy and fun way to get hammered, basically drink whenever anything happens – but have always missed out due to having no funds when the contest is on. I shan’t do a Withnail and slug down vanilla essence, the closest I’ve got to proper booze.

And here’s another of my favourite Eurovision entries: in 2007, Israel was represented by a mob called Teapacks with the song “Push the Button” (the complete opposite from the Sugababes same-titled tune), a rock meets hip-hop/dub-step of English, French and Hebrew (they even rap in it). Apparently “controversial” because it featured references to Iran and nuclear war (the eponymous pushing of the button to launch missiles) – controversial to whom? Don’t tell me that even the Eurovision Song Contest isn’t safe from anti-Semitism? If a British entry – atrocious as they are – made references to bombs and mass-destruction (Why not get Faithless next year?), would it be considered “controversial”? Would it be seen as a dig against a fascist regime, the likes of which haven’t made such a presence in Eurovision since Spain’s General Franco ordered the namby-pamby “La La La” to trump Cliff Richard’s equally naff “Congratulations” in 1968; or would it simply be listened to as another song in the same treacle-laden vein as John Lennon’s “Happy Xmas (War is Over)”?

The defence rests, m’lud.

Related articles

• Sounds Israeli: Ofra Haza (jewishpress.com)